So over the last few videos no we've looked quite thoroughly.
The relationship between our thoughts how we interpret and relate to our thoughts to the emotions that
we experience and how they say in some way play an impact and whether we take action or don't take action
fight flight freeze flop or whatever.
How we respond to situations and circumstances that we find ourselves in here.
All I would really like to present you with is hopefully quite a simplistic way of understanding that
not true or DA off our emotions.
All right.
Show you how our emotions can actually be a bit of a process.
All right.
So this here I want to share with you the ecology emotional IQ model and what I want to suggest.
Right.
Plant an idea here is that.
And we're all looking forward in life.
Now granted sometimes some people wind up standing still for seasons thinking about the past reflecting
upon the past but most of us are always going to be looking forward in some way.
No.
This is important to understand especially in the context of coaching because we cannot work with anyone
who isn't looking forward to a goal or the Better Days that are yet to come for them.
They've got to have some sort of ambition some sort of go or a vision for the future otherwise we can
coach them.
All right.
We cannot give people goals and visions.
People have to come to us with goals and visions.
All right.
So I want to use this model just to hopefully help you relate better to yourself.
All right.
No.
The conversations that I've had with Karen.
Up until now have been goal focused.
All right.
Karen wants to become a better communicator.
That last demonstration last demonstration hopefully showed that M essentially just Karen who decided
that she wasn't a good communicator.
There's nothing wrong with Karen's communications.
There's nothing wrong with Karen's actual confidence about her ability to communicate well because she's
been communicating well for many years now and she's got much feedback to validate this.
All right.
The problem that current is actually hard historically has been her apathy on one level tied in with
a little bit of negative feedback that she's hard.
At some point in the past.
So going back to demonstrations ago what we managed to do was we managed to flip around Karen's perception
all right and pretty much replace the negative motivation that she previously had i.e. to protect herself
from saying or doing anything that would do more damage than good and replace it with a more positive
motivation i.e. make a positive difference in the lives of other people through adding and sharing off
her value i.e. the lessons that she's learned along the way.
So well it's Karen's goal this excites her.
She likes this.
This is something that is positively motivating her now to keep you know going with a coaching process
and ultimately change something or do something so he don't want to talk about how it is that we experience
our emotions when in pursuit of goals.
All right.
No this is going to be relevant for us to understand because these are going to be the hurdles and the
potential obstacles.
Our clients are going to come up against.
So sometimes all we need to do is help them understand the process that they're going through which
gives them context for keeping on keeping on and overcoming any emotional issues or fears of challenges
that arise for them whilst en route to destination goal.
Are you with me.
All right.
So picture this right.
I'm going to somebody to enact this out right and I'm not sure if you can relate.
So let's just say that I have a goal.
My goal is to become and is to create the best selling life coaching training course in the entire world.
That's right.
That's my goal.
Well it's not really but we'll just say that it is.
So that's my goal.
All right.
So here I am.
No I am on the path I'm making progress on working towards creating the all singing all dancing Best
Life Coach and training course in the world.
No I'm not sure who's going to determine whether it's the best course in the world or not but say that's
what my goal is.
Anyway so here you go.
No I create all the videos and everything gets edited and then we publish the course and then what happens.
All right.
Someone else i.e. a competitor publishes another really comprehensive life coach and training course
at exactly the same time as me.
They take a really aggressive marketing advertising approach and this is it.
No my goal.
Well I might not reach it because this other person might get there fast.
All right.
So what happens.
Well if we're gonna be completely honest what happens when people get in the way of us you know pursued
our goals.
You don't win.
When we when we sort of feel like a goal was just about just about in reach we can we're just about
there we can we can we can taste it we can smell it we can just about touch it then someone cuts us
off what happens are oh we get hungry and we get frustrated and we don't know whether this person or
whether this thing is going to prevent us from getting to this place where we ultimately want to get
to.
I have the greatest life coaching course in the face of the planet.
So first and foremost what I'm going to suggest is that whilst in pursuit of the goals that we're pursuing
when someone or something gets in our way we experience anger and frustration fast.
All right.
When someone holds up the stop sign but we don't stay angry and frustrated people or things forever
do we.
Because this just isn't how we're wired.
No it might be the case we're angry for a season that might even be the case that we are frustrated
for a season but beyond anger and frustration.
We then step in to something else as our mindset of always
fear and anxiety.
OK so let's just continue on in this journey.
So here's me Ken Ramsey I'm working towards creating the best life coach and training course in the
world.
No the competitor has just published a course.
I feel a little bit intimidated by this.
My goodness this is a pretty awesome course this guy guy's just published.
What happens if he.
What happens if he ends up you know being classed as the person who has the greatest life coach and
course in the whole world.
And then I just fade away into insignificance.
What happens if that happens.
Oh my goodness.
What will that mean about me.
Oh my goodness.
And I've just stepped into fear and anxiety.
So when I'm first met with a stop sign this confrontation is challenge.
Of course I might feel a little bit anger and frustration even if only for a moment or for a season
but eventually because I'm a human being.
My mind is going to start thinking what will this mean.
What might this mean.
What happens if this other person then stops me from getting my goal.
What happens if this goal doesn't come to no eventuality does it come to actualization.
What will this mean about me I start thinking about oh my goodness and I'm a little bit fearful I'm
a little bit anxious I am I don't know if I'm gonna be able to fulfill my goal then and then worst case
scenario happens who gets the top spot who gets the best life coaching course in the world award is
not keen Ramsey it's someone else it was the other guy all of my fears and all of my concerns and all
of my worries actually came and became our became a reality.
The brick wall goes up my goal is no no longer even an option.
All right.
I have lost.
I've just come second.
And you know what second place means.
That's right.
Second place equals first loser.
I hate being a loser.
My goodness no my self worth and my confidence and all this kind of stuff was based upon me performing
and reaching the top spot.
Now I can't even reach his golden age because someone else has got there.
It's not even an option available for me.
I wonder if you can identify wonder if you could identify no and understand how it is that some people
fall into their holes.
Now if we can self regulate and if we generally are relatively confident individuals then we're not
going to have too much a problem.
I am experiencing a little bit of setback or some competition or some delay but many people aren't all
right.
And this is why there's a massive society global requirement for a fact of life coaches like you and
I my friend.
All right because what some people will do is they will try and fail and then try and fail try and fail
a third time.
And for these failures mean is that they're they're doomed and bound to experiencing more often the
future of what they've had in the past i.e. more failure more failure more failure.
And sometimes when we get a little bit of negative feedback or sometimes when we don't quite get what
we want when we want it our mind has a habit of overgeneralizing and catastrophe rising and all that
kind of stuff and we end up telling ourselves stories don't we.
I wasn't good enough to fulfill that goal.
I wasn't good enough to get picked for that team I wasn't smart enough to you know manage that event
I wasn't wise enough to do this which therefore means that I'm useless I'm not clever enough I'm not
good looking enough I'm not articulate enough I'm not a good enough communicator I'm worthless and because
I don't know how to get that which I want e this go on with I hope I've tried everything that I know
how to try and help us to do anything about this because I've done my absolute best I am just not enough
I've done the best life I've failed miserably I set spiral down hell and this is pretty much the whole
is where some people when I'm talking on quite an extreme level here no not everyone ends up in this
part of desperation and despair but if we're prepared for the worst case scenario then we'll be able
to manage anything else that kind of comes in between and generally people have a problem and most problems
that people have in life spawn from this idea that we buy into that on some level they are not sufficient
they are not quite enough not smart enough not this enough not good enough at this or that the next
thing which then leads them into sometimes a place of helplessness apathy low confidence insecurity
self-loathing sometimes and self-doubt all of the reasons that people will use why they will no longer
feel confident enough to pursue the goals that they want to pursue and this is where you know come in.
So this is a very very simple and emotional model if you can relate this to yourself right.
Seriously just think about the last time you pursued a goal and failed see if you can walk yourself
through the same process all right.
It is the natural order of things I'm hoping that by no we can just agree on on the fact that emotions
are illnesses or conditions anything like this.
Alright if you think about it by the way say for example you were to me a person who had failed and
failed and failed and failed a few times he hadn't got the goals they were hoping to accomplish the
fallen into this pit the feeling worthless a few and useless the feeling hopeless helpless and that
they are not enough.
All right.
This can sometimes equal feelings other people.
Some people would affect to us as as the progression again as coaches we can subscribe to the idea that
those emotions are illnesses or they are just emotions and if they're just emotions then it is going
to be possible for us to backtrack out of them in the same way that we first entered into them.
We used to try to questions to question the thoughts that in can bring about the emotional experiences
that people have in life.
Are you with me all right.
This may seem like these are some really simple ideas but I promise you when we start sharing these
ideas with other people when we start asking our clients and a life coaching context especially questions
that are going to challenge the thought patterns are underpinning these emotional states that people
have become a very very clarifying process for them.
Every emotion spawns from a thought.
We are many conventional therapists and helping practitioners look to manage and fix and make people's
feelings go away is good to have an understanding of emotions.
But I'm gonna suggest that it's more and it's going to be wiser for us to understand how thoughts impact
and influence emotions because if we can modify thoughts well this is kind of like the cause and effect
coming into play.
If we can make modifications in the causes the effects just sometimes go away and fade into nothingness.
All right but listen friends you know you can practice this stuff you've got to practice having these
truth centered conversations with people.
And the more you do the better you will become them.
I promise here in time.
All right so we're just about at the end of section to No and in the next video which will be the final
video in the section of the course we're going to look back.
Remember I've shared with you a self concept self esteem earlier on we're going to revisit that idea
but this time round from a slightly different angle just to wrap this section up.